Last night

I kinda got drunk last night with my classmates. Then my college friends fetch me to go to the condo, just a few steps away from where were drinking. Then one of them asked me, “How’s [insert name here]?” I can’t remember what they exactly asked.

To give you a background or do I still need to? It’s so obvious with my reblogs or posts. I’m having a hard time letting go of my ex. It’s been months (Before you judge me, Yes its just months but you have no idea what I went through those months) and my feelings are still intense and inexpugnable. And the other chapters are unexplainable. lol.

I told them what happened then the next thing I knew I was crying. They were hugging me and all. Telling me that everything will be okay. I appreciate how much they care for me but I still feel incomplete without him.

I can’t stay late so drink beer even if its just noon or something.

Suddenly my mom texted me, “We’ll fetch you at the uni by 7.” I looked at my watch and it was 6:53pm. I was like OMFG. So I said goodbye to my friends. And asked the “lovers” to help me cross the road. Yeah, I’m a dork I can’t cross the streets without anyone with me. When we got to the condo facade, It was raining so hard and we have no umbrella! So I asked them to stay and just let me go on my own. They were trying to convince me to let my mom fetch me at the condo but I just can’t.

I wanted to walk in the rain so I can cry without anyone noticing. Yes, you can call me EMO. I don’t care. The pain feels so intense that time. So I started walking and crying. It was raining really really hard. To my surprise, my guy friend followed me because they were worried that I can’t cross the road (or I might do something stupid like getting myself hit by a car or whatever). While waiting for my mom at the uni, he gave me advices. Explaining [insert name here]’s side and what an asshole he is and that I should help myself to move on.

I frankly told my friend that I just got pissed that day [insert name here] told me that he already have a girl and blahblah but I’m not angry with him. I just can’t. I’m just hurt. I’m just in soooo much pain. I just love him so much that I can’t even get angry with him no matter how much pain he inflicts me.

I love you guys. Thank you for always being there.

Now, I’m sick. Thanks to the rain. lol

I will wait

I will wait. Though I can’t wait to spend every single day with you, to call you babe or honey or psst, and share my life with you, I will wait. Though I can’t wait to kiss you goodnight, argue with you about relationship stuff, or cook for you, I will wait. Though I can’t wait to be your girl, to hold you in my arms, to hold your coffee while you drive, or to just cuddle you all day, I will wait. I will patiently wait for the right time, with nothing to hold on to, but the mere thought that all this waiting is the only way to keep you forever.

I want you to need me.

I'm so sorry if it looks like I don't care. I'm just protecting myself from pain. The pain of the dreadful truth I might hear from you. I'm just protecting you from being guilty upon inflicting me pain through the words that you might say. I'm trying to show you I'm already okay though I'm really not. I don't want you to stay just because you feel guilty or sorry about me. I want you to stay because you need me. I want you to stay because you can't live without me.

I want you to need me.

I love you.

Have you ever been in love?

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you. Then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. But they didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Because love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you and leaves you crying in the darkness when a simple phrse like "Maybe we should be just friends" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It hurts in the soul, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that, especially not love. I hate love.

-Neil Galman