LOVE CAN BE DANGEROUS AFTER ALL.

It was that day when love messed up my life.

It was really painful.
The words left unsaid and the words thrown.

TRAUMATIC.

I was consecutively crying for the whole 2 hours starting 4 am. It was past 5 in the morning and I was so desperate to talk to someone and tell em what my problem was. I called Jackie purposely to wake her up (I'm her alarm clock) then I wasn't able to compose myself and started crying but she needed to say goodbye soon. So I called Janna. Janna was one of my best buds. She knows everything. I was crying to her, I was even asking her why that thing happened (like she knows the answer). I was crying like a baby.

Vicious thoughts.
I wanna kill myself.
I wanted to end everything up.

Then things suddenly got gloomy.
So I said goodbye to Janna.

Everything turned dark.
I was gasping for air.
Chills.
Palpitations.
Chest pains.
I've experienced another panic attack.
Thought I was going to die.
Thought my heartbeat's stopping.
Well, I was hoping.
Everything blacked out.
FAINTED.

My senses came up around 10 in the morning.
The words. The pain. The reality came back.
I started crying quietly again.
It's like I've been paralyzed.
I can't move, I just cried and stared at the ceiling.

My mom was calling me and knocking at my door.
I didn't answer.
They were checking on me every hour and still I didn't answer.
It was 4pm when my mom was forcefully knocking at my door.

I just said "O?" to stop her from worrying.
I heard my mom sighed with relief.
"She's still alive."


It was that day that I really wanted to die. Yes, I'm a suicidal freak. I just wanna die. I just wanted to get rid of the pain that's tearing me up. But this time its way too different. It was that day I wanted to end my life without worrying about anyone. Everyone's out of my system. Its just this time that I didn't worry about my mom, my cousins, my friends, EVERYONE. I was very determined to end it up. I thought of getting the kitchen knife and just slit my wrist and bleed to death. Thanks God (should I really thank him?) that I fainted. What happened made a big impact on me. The most traumatic. The most painful.

the verdict?

LOVE CAN BE DANGEROUS AFTER ALL.